Milestone: jumped out of the window.

today after nap Roland jumped out of the living room window. Jer found out 5 minutes later when the maintenance guy for our apartment brought him back.

Having heard all of this second hand when I returned from clinic was good in that my panic attack was compressed to a millisecond. Super glad everything worked out ok, other than the fact that we can no longer leave any windows unlocked and unsupervised. 

Lies I tell Roland

  • That (vehicle for kids) cart is broken. We can’t use it because the mechanic needs to see it. 
  • I don’t have any quarters for the M & M machine
  • We don’t have any ice cream
  • This is the last time I’m going to tell you…
  • Mama is too tired to carry you right now
  • I’m reading the news (half lie? I’m checking facebook)
  • I can’t [_______] until I finish this cup of coffee.
  • Maybe there is a choo train by [destination I want him to walk to]. 

Becoming That Parent

Have you ever been to the Oregon Zoo? It’s built on a hillside such that the entire walk into the zoo is downhill, but the return to the entrance is all uphill. 

Señor tiny pants and I went to the zoo this morning. First we stopped at the sandbox. For 20 minutes. Then we went to look at the bubbles in the sea lion exhibit. Then we looked at warty pigs, reported a family who threw a plastic toy in to said pigs, and spent half an hour in the water tubs pretending to be elephants. We wandered slowly through the gibbon, orangutan, and chimpanzee areas, played on the playground at the end of the fragile forests, and then climbed the africafe to sit on the top balcony for snacks. There were many verbal warnings of how much time we had left before heading home, yet at the actual moment of needing to go uphill, complete toddler meltdown. 

The sobbing. The flailing. The laying on the ground. the continual NONONONO. He screamed DOWN so much he eventually even tried it to the tune of “Mary had a little lamb” which was hilarious but of course I couldn’t laugh. 

All the while I’m hauling this kid the half a mile up a hill through a saturday midday crowd on one of the first sunny weekends of the year, first on one hip, then under my arm like a duffle bag, then on the other hip, then upside down according to the flailing and the flopping. 

When we got to the car he sobbed even harder because I wouldn’t let him drive. I never let him have any fun

Juvenile Playlet

Ro: *Giant toot*
Ro: Baby toot!
Ro: Sounds like tractor. (From the cars tractor tipping scene)
Me: It totally did. *dissolves in laughter*
Ro: *giggling like a tiny gigglebot*
Me: okay, okay. Time to settle down and go to sleep. 
Ro: okay okay. *2 seconds of silence pass*
Ro: *starts giggling again*
Me: *starts giggling again*
(repeat calm-down and re-giggle approximately a million times, until roland gets the hiccoughs and literally falls asleep while both laughing and hiccoughing.)
/end scene.



I wrote a thing. Bandwagon, thou hast been JUMPED!

Seriously though, people, let’s stop banning words and start focusing on behavior.

I’m actually not a fan of Lean In, but I do like the campaign to get people to think about using the word “bossy” and other ways we talk to little girls about leadership, their personalities, and their behavior. You say it’s not the word, but the behavior that matters, but when the behavior is only to apply this word to little girls, the word does kind of become a problem.

If your daughter is being dictatorial, think about how you might have the exact same conversation with your son(s) if he were acting the exact same way. If the word “bossy” never comes to mind, maybe you should interrogate why that’s your go-to pejorative with your daughter and what other things you might be telling her by using a word that is only used to shut up little girls and grown women, when you would discuss her behavior differently than you would with your sons.

The point of this campaign is obviously not censorship. Even the author of this piece, paying lip service to “freedom of speech,” acknowledges that’s not what the campaign is about. We all know the point of this campaign is to get parents, teachers, and other community leaders to think critically about how they talk to little girls about their behavior and leadership in order to avoid being sexist assholes about it. So if you can blow off an entire discussion about how we talk about leadership with girls over a fucking hashtag all so you can keep using an insult on your daughters that exists solely to carry water for bigoted ideas about women’s place and value in the world, because an admittedly disingenuous discussion about how censorship matters more than perpetuating sexist ideas with our kids…well, that’s pretty fucked up.

bolded for emphasis. Thinking critically= good. Huge difference between how we talk to little boys and how we talk to little girls, and this is a massive problem in our extremely misogynistic, patriarchal society.  When a little boy is “bossy”, he’s instead referred to as “knowing what he wants” or “very opinionated” or “a little dictator” all of which assume that he’s in control. When a little girl is “bossy” she’s expected to step back into her place, which is to accept whatever the person who thinks she’s “bossy” wants her to do. It’s bullshit. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life in the STEM field. It’s not about banning the word, but the attitude. I also agree with Jackie, that instead of forcing women to Lean In, we should be teaching our boys to Lean Out and make space for women, acknowledge women’s contributions, and start talking about  the difference that gender imposes these days.  What we teach our little boys about how we talk to little girls is going to change the world. 

Brain Teasers

If you can guess who pooped in a tiny potty, then went and put on rain boots, then “stomped inna mud!”, you can also guess who is never getting their apartment deposit back and needs to rent a steam cleaner again.

New Phase: Can’t win.

Excessively distraught about everything.

I woke up before baby wanted to get out of bed? 
Refuse to go back to bed without me, sob about being awake, scream about not being picked up, refuse to use the potty, lay down on face in hallway and sob.

I put too much milk in the granola this morning?
scream. Throw spoon. lay facedown on the floor and cry. 

I offered a chicken stuffed animal instead of a sheep?
Lay facedown and cry. Occasionally raise tear streaked, judgmental face and yell “Nooooooooo”. 

I served chicken nuggets and green bean chips (all homemade, so I guess not the toddler primo version) last night but refused to also serve applesauce and rice chips?
sob so hard he actually turns red. Lay on the floor and cry. Scream “APPLESAUCE MAMA BRING IT APPLESAUCE” on repeat in hopes that this will change my mind about dinner choices. 

Let him “drive” the car while I switch the carseat from jer’s car to mine, but then after letting him play for ten minutes and giving him two warnings insist that we have to go back downstairs to our house and actually pick him up?
"PUT DOWN PUT DOWN PUT DOWN" sob. Kick off boots and go limp. Attempt to lie on pavement in puddle. "PUT DOWN" kick off boots again. sob more. Scream. As soon as we are inside and I actually put him down, scream "PICK YOU UP" and sob because I put him down. 

Please tell me this is a short phase. 

Related to dinner not being ready on time

Hot dogs and seaweed are a balanced meal, right?

Ups and Downs

Roland is sleeping through the night 90% of the time, but gave up his daytime nap. 


  • Sleeping through the night (brief up at 11 to come to our bed, but no other problems)
  • I wake up feeling rested most of the time
  • No more worrying about what time we have to be home for nap.
  • potty training is really taking off, his choice not mine. 


  • This was my favorite time to catch up on television shows like sherlock….
  • No more daytime halfway “reset” cleaning
  • He’s still a little tired, so I end up spending 45 minutes reading him a story/singing songs to get him to at least lay down

Bonus Up

  • No more battle of wills at bedtime. everyone is winning, really. It’ll just take some getting used to. I don’t plan to quit offering nap, but it’s nice to let go of the struggle to get him down.

8. Topaz


Crunchy Qualities: placenta eaters and other food weirdness comes into play here, this has a polarizing effect with vegans on one and and paleo/primal on the other, or perhaps is gluten free, local only or organic only. Can recognize a woven wrap colorway from 40 yards away, uses family cloth instead of toilet paper, keeps regular acupuncture visits, stashes arnica and other homeopathic remedies in bag, uses elderberry syrup during cold and flu season, non-vac and non-circ status is displayed proudly on twitter or bio, drives an electric or bio-fuel car or has no car, avoids fluoride

Likely has tried the “no-poo” method of hair care.

Sounds familiar. I think I’ve heard this somewhere.


I only have 3 months to get this together, so plz help me get over my indecision. 

  • Tiny Biker 2nd Birthday featuring: Bandanas, fake tattoos, foaming car wash activity thing , orange and black harley colors, road tablecloth and chrome invitations 


  • Hundred Acre Woods 2nd birthday featuring: Pin the tail on Eeyore, Honeycomb trifle, kite flying and tea, branches and bee -mobiles, honey sticks and rabbit’s garden vegetables

Obviously I’m getting ahead of myself, but I need to get my plans together so I can do things very slowly during the school quarter. Doing things means making decisions. Help?

Roland is adorable, episode (random number here)

Made that baby actual green eggs this morning, due to his incessant love of Dr. Seuss’s “Green eggs and ham”. Also rationalized that this would get him to actually eat breakfast instead of holding out ‘till daycare snack like usual. His response? 

Not in box! not fox! not mouse! not in house! 

I tried to be disappointed but there was too much cute.

Breaking News:

Roland slept from 9pm -4:30 am without waking once, plus 2 hours before that in his bed and an hour after in “big bed”. 

I’m not counting it yet, but I’m pretty darn excited that this happened. I’d  almost resigned myself to sleeping in 2.5 hour stretches until he went to college.

24 hours without milk

I planned weaning like some people plan wars.

Read More

Morning achievement!

The cats were calling, running back and forth to the hall closet that their food is shut in. I was in process of putting clothes on. “Wait, cats.” 

I stepped into my closet to find a shirt and heard the distinctive clinging of food into bowl. I mentally set up to thank Jer because he never feeds the cats. Walking back to the living room, I see that the hall closet is open and…

Roland is feeding the cats!

Roland noticed the cats were hungry, opened the closet, and started running back handfuls of food to their bowls all on his own volition. 

So. Proud.