Growing up fast.

Baby boy doesn’t even look like a baby anymore after the last couple weeks. 

He’s in 3T shirts, 2T pants, and size 8 toddler shoes- from two weeks ago when he was in 2T shirts, 18-24m pants, and size 5 shoes. He got so big so fast.

Sniff.

my grocery budget and my clothes budget are both crying.

Toddlers are tiny drunk people

Neighbor kid climbs up on the picnic table with Ro. Toddles over to where I’m sitting on the bench.
Smiles at me.
Grabs my shirt, shoves her hand down the front and starts looking for boobs.

Cuuuuuuuuuute

Cuuuuuuuuuute

  • Roland appears, wearing a cheese grater on his arm such that his arm is inside and his hand is grasping the handle
  • Me: oh, honey we don't play with that. That could cut you and hurt you. Go put that back in the drawer
  • Jer: but it's his robot hammer!
  • Roland: yeah, robot hammer!
  • Me: no.
  • Jer and Roland: awww

annamannix replied to your post: Super successful grown up adulting

Yes, but, written otherwise, this list could also look like this: 1) met up with *** for run, 2) fed toddler a mobile breakfast 3) hot chocolate treat 4) quiet time while eating my breakfast. Rather adult, really.

Ah yes. 
"Good Morning Facebook! Just slept with my little angel until 7:30, what a great surprise! Then we grabbed breakfast and went for a 2.5 mile run with ___, came home to get hot chocolate, and now we’re having a cozy morning with Daniel Tiger learning about the differences and similarities of people with disabilities! Coming up this afternoon, I’m going to work a shift at our community clinic out in ___, which is so instrumental to the low income families. Wish us luck!!"

I almost threw up a little typing that. I’m not about that sugarcoated internet life. 

Things Roland has broken, ruined or stolen this week:

-coffee pot (rice in the water intake)
-tea pot (dropped and shattered )
-cup (same)
- several balls (bitten and deflated)
- a couple pairs of underwear and one pair of pants ( not his fault, explosive diarrhea because I gave him too much magnesium the night before to help him sleep more than 45 minutes)
- the side mirror adjusters in my car ( on purpose while I was “letting him drive” for three minutes)
- several handfuls of food that he’s deliberately thrown on the floor and stomped on
- a session of yoga Jer and I tried to do together in the daytime (destructive and ran out of the yard up the hill)
-container of bubbles (dumped out on purpose)
-container of huckleberries.(thrown across the grocery store aisle)
-handful of goji berries from the bulk bin (but his face after stuffing them in his mouth was probably punishment enough)

Needless to say he’s basically lost all privileges relates to leaving the house and being unsupervised in the slightest

2.5 year sleep regression

With all that glorious vacation time I managed to lose sleep, because I was busy partying till 1 am (or chatting till midnight) and getting up at 6.  So then, I thought “I’ll catch up with roland”

Which should have been a red flag thought anyway.

But the Child Who Does Not Sleep is in rare form, even for him. Last night he woke up because: 

  • He needed a glass of water 
  • The blanket fell off (twice)
  • He wanted his toy train
  • The cat walked past
  • He wanted to see the blinky lights at the construction site outside
  • I was too far away
  • I was too close 
  • He wanted some watermelon
  • He was sleeping on the wrong pillow
  • He wanted a glass of milk (twice)

If you’re a counting sort of person you’ll note that there are 12 wake up points in the list. He only “slept” from 9pm to 6:30 am,  which is 9.5 hours. Doing the math, that means he “slept” on average, 44 minutes in a row before waking me. Because I’m also a terrible sleeper, that means I got about 15 minutes of sleep per hour, aka 2 noncontiguous hours of sleep. 

I may or may not have at one point told him that if he woke me up again I was going to put him to sleep in the yard. 

BONUS perk of parenting: He broke the coffee maker by putting rice in it, so I could not make coffee to solve my inability to function this morning.

DOUBLE BONUS: I had senior clinical lab post this morning so I couldn’t even buy coffee before taking him to daycare and showing up at school. 

Got this picture as my midday update. In case you’re wondering, Stila stay all day in besos really does stay all day. Especially on toddlers, walls, and porcelain.

Got this picture as my midday update. In case you’re wondering, Stila stay all day in besos really does stay all day. Especially on toddlers, walls, and porcelain.

Assholery

-Tonight after our dinner out for jerith’s birthday, I poured Roland a cup of water to drink prior to sleep. He often drinks milk or water in bed, so I was not concerned about this. Then, sometime after story but pre sleep he asked for milk. I explained why there was only water tonight. He cried. Then he asked for water.
He took it, pretended to take a sip, and then threw it all over me, because he wanted milk.
I was so mad I had to leave the room. Needless to say, no drinks for him tonight. Possibly more drinks in the forecast for mama after bedtime from hell is over.
-please tell me this phase is short
- I reserved a book called “Buddhism for the mothers of young children” at the library primarily because it has entire chapters on tools for remaining calm and dealing with anger. Review to follow.
-8 days till I leave for Arizona.

Tags: parenting

Wouldn’t this be a blessing? Gender neutral colors and designs all the way to 5T!

Milestones:

Roland yelled “you’re making my sad” at me for the first time when I insisted he go to bed.

Today we partied

First birthday partied, that is. Roland’s little friend peri had the distinction of joining the world on the last day of classes a year ago. That’s a pretty timely birthday!
We went. Roland helped make the card, which was super cute. I probably should have taken a picture of it. He was intensely interested in birthday cake and in miss peri’s extensive toy collection.
There were so many kids there, it looked like a daycare exploded on the house. One poor mama had a super out of control 8 year old, who actually managed to destroy half a rose bush and take a string anchor off a pear tree in two minutes flat. She was so angry and mortified.
I offered to make her a margarita later. I think the margarita could be the universal “I get it, kids can be crazy uncivilized no matter how many times you tell them people don’t do that” signal.

  • Ro : *bzzzzzz! Bzzzzzz! Oh, a flower! I'm going a drink a nectar annnnnnnd MAKE HONEY"
  • Me: Sweetie, you are not a bee. You can't make honey.
  • Ro: *cried for 15 minutes because he thought he was a bee*

Hippie Mom Problems

So, TMI ahead: I use a menstrual cup because I’m a hippie, cheap, and I hate going to the store. Since Roland is incapable of privacy, he barged in to the bathroom as I was reinserting my menstrual cup.  Then, the following:

Ro: What dat?
Me: Menstrual cup. For catching blood.
Ro: Put it inna butt?
Me: No. Butts are for pooping. Menstrual blood comes out of vagina.
Ro: a GINA? I have one?
Me: No. You have a penis.
Ro: AND A BUTT FOR POOPING! YAAAAAY! *He starts clapping and runs off.*

Which, whatever, is an awkward conversation I figured we’d have at some point anyway. I mean, I keep a book full of pictures of cut up dead people on my desk (otherwise known as an anatomy atlas) so I knew the anatomy talks were coming one way or another.